At psychiatrist:
- Do you consume alcohol?
- No.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you use drugs?
- No.
- Do you play cards?
- No.
- Do you run after other women?
- No.
- So why did you come to me?
- You see, doc, I have one little problem - I lie a lot...
- Madam, please prepare your husband for the worst!
- Oh God, will he die?
- No. He will not be allowed to drink any beer!
In a hospital:
- do you have any problems with you ears or nose?
- Yes, doc?
- They hurt?
- No, they impede when I'm trying to put on a sweater.
- Doctor, this bucket has a hole. Would you please repair it? 
- Are you stupid! Do you know who I am?
- Yes I do – you are specialist in plastic surgery…
Doctor tells to patient: 
- I have some bad news and worse news.
- What is it, doctor?
- The laboratory test results show that you have only 24 hours to live.
- Oh my God!
- The worse news is that I was tried telling this to you yesterday but your cell phone was unreachable.

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